she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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