God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
