I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
