Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize