Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
