Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
