its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
