forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
