I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
