I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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