the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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