i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
