he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The air was thick with penises
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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