i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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