we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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