The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
