i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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