epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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