in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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