I just saw a hot homeless man
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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