It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
