Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
