...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
