yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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