new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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