Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
