Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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