i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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