My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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