I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
