And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
