Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
