watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
