Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
