In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
