I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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