I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
