Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We need to get me chipped asap
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
