I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
