Reggie can tackle my bush.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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