yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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