He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
