he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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