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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do vagina's smell?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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