hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
