Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
