New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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