it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
