??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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