what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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