What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
