I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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