i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
