I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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