I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize