So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
