He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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