Screwed.edu
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
