What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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