I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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