You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
