i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
