Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
