I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
