Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
