remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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