On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
