I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
