Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
